‘The Last Flight of Three’

Photographer: Tobi Brun

The Last Flight of Three

We arrived by boat from the port of Balenfia, the three of us, the stork, the crane, and the ostrich. The flock. The ship rocked back and forth against the swelling waves, trudging through the water like a defenceless buoy without an anchor. The sun was warm as it kissed our skin softly like distant embers, but the winds were unbearably cold. Pulling my sweater out of my bag, I threw it on to keep me warm. I turned my head back toward the port and watched as a fleet of catamarans full of tourists sailed along the coast behind us, becoming like little figurines in a diorama as we sailed further and further toward Ibiza Town. Despite being jetlagged, we spun our heads this way and that like flamingoes performing their mating dance, bouncing from one end of the ship to the other, too excited to sit still. And even as we grew further from Balenfia, with only the crystal waters and the tangerine sky to admire, we gaped in awe. 

At the stem of the ship, Lin, camouflaged by the sun’s golden rays in her orange caftan, the wind tousling her hair like a flag, reapplied her lipstick with the aid of her bejewelled pocket mirror, reflecting the sunlight like a heliograph. As she inspected herself in the mirror through her oversized sunglasses, she hopelessly attempted to fix her hair, and I snickered quietly to myself; it was just pointless to fix it until we had stepped off the ship. 

As for myself, I was all too excited to have a nice shower at our hotel. Seven hours on a plane - and the greasy oils on my skin felt heavy as if they had formed a congealed layer over top of me like an anti-facial. I took a few steps forward, pressing my chin down on the smooth, cold surface of the ship’s taffrail, and inhaled deeply, taking in the salty breeze. I smiled. I always loved the smell of the sea, tangy, fishy, soothing; it was the smell of freedom, a reminder that I had successfully escaped (briefly) the Canadian slush and my nettlesome peers. And with each inhale, the malaise mellowed out, the heartache loosened, like freeing my body of toxins during a juice cleanse. 

Raptly, tapping my rings on the taffrail, I emitted a deep sigh. They don’t really talk about what happens after boy loses boy, but I never really wondered until after the fact. But here I was, after the fact, where I never imagined I’d be. And if it meant escaping to beautiful places, just to make the heart beat right once more, even for a moment, then so be it; perhaps it wasn’t so terrible. 

Lilly trotted to my side, beaming with a sparkle in her emerald eyes, and I smiled back. She was dressed in light blue jeans and a plum-coloured flight jacket, keeping her warm in the frigid breeze that swirled her hair into a horrendous rat’s nest.   

“How’s it going?” I asked, placing my arm around her. 

“Oh, good! God, I love the ocean…” she mused, shutting her eyes elatedly. 

“It’s actually the sea,” I teased. 

“Same shit!” said Lilly, brushing me aside.

I laughed. “You know, I’m really happy we could make this work…”

“Me too…” she smiled.

“Especially,” I continued, “with you going off for your last semester in France at the end of this month, you lucky piece of shit!”

Lilly cackled, “you’re always welcome to come with me!”

From below deck, one of the crewmates, dressed in all white, emerged with two glasses of champagne. 

“Hola babies! Champagne?” he asked. 

“Aha! Si!”

“Gracais!”

And with a bow, he scuttled back below deck, leaving us with our champagne. 

“Well then,” I smiled, raising my eyebrows, “to us, and one last hurray before you go off to France, and to many more adventures to come! Cheers!” 

“And to your graduation! Cheers!” Exclaimed Lilly.

Clinking our glasses, I stared into her emerald eyes, and we both had a taste. Lilly began to cough, and her eyes grew watery. 

“God! That’s fizzy!” she croaked. 

“You’re supposed to drink it, not breath it!” I tittered.

“It’s the boat,” she grumbled, “it keeps me unsteady…”

“Sure, blame it on the boat!” I teased. 

“Oh, whatever!” she giggled. 

Glancing at her snowy visage, I held her emerald gaze and produced a solemn smile. 

“I’m going to miss you; you know that right?”

She pursed her lips and nodded timidly.

I looked off toward the horizon, and shook my head, “I know you’re not leaving for good, but still, it’s not any easy goodbye… it never is with a good friend…” I sighed, “You know, I think I will go visit you!”

“Yes, you should! I would love that!”  

Casa Rossa was the name of our hotel: a semi-luxurious seaside posada of mostly glass and white brick and freshly waxed floors that made my shoes squeak as we entered the lobby. We lugged our luggage to the front desk like soldiers lugging their weapons on the battlefield, and a frizzy-haired desk attendant with a German accent handed us our room keys with a smile. 

And as we entered the room, almost in unison, we gasped. Lin and Lilly gasped at the room, its spacious walls, the flat-screen TVs, the three king-sized beds, the terraces, the complimentary wine bottle, and the silken carpets, but I gasped for another reason. 

“Where’s the view?” I frowned.

Lin pulled open the curtains on the far left of the main room, shedding sunlight and a view of the hotel parking lot.

“Looks like we don’t have much of a view…” Lin snickered. 

“Who cares!” exclaimed Lilly, “look at this place! Look at these rooms!”

And she bounced from one room to the next like a little child, inspecting every little shampoo bottle and every little pamphlet as if she never had been in a hotel room before. And at the sight of Lilly in her jumpy mood, so unlike her usual monotonous self, my heart spawned a gentle flutter, and I smiled. 

“Yes…” I grimaced, “it is a nice room…”

“I call this bed!” Lilly shrieked.   

I decided to slip out for an early morning stroll on the beach, making sure not to wake Lin and Lilly, who were fast asleep, as I closed the door behind me. The air was damp and cool. There’s nothing quite like the beach early in the morning; it’s like getting a glimpse of a movie set behind the scenes, where the tourists haven’t arrived, and the view is still hazy. The sand felt fluffy and cold, like a tufted carpet on my feet, and as I walked closer to the shore, its surface shifted to a cold, tiled texture. Slipping my feet into the crystal water, icy chills began to race up my body, my feet turned white as snow as they became submerged beneath the waves, and I winced. However, of course, the water was much warmer than the boreal waters of the Atlantic. With each soft lap of water against the sand, I closed my eyes and smiled; it was music to my ears. A sharp shivering breeze from the sea, from Algeria, tousled my hair violently like a hair dryer and brought goosebumps to spring up along my arms. Yet despite the wind’s ferocity, the water remained calm, swaying in ruffles like a light blue display of infrasonic waves. It was hard to believe that on such calm, such majestic, and such tropical waves, Mussolini’s battleships had prowled the waters less than a century ago. I looked out toward the sea, and I thought of my great grandaunt Felipa (even though I was looking off to Algeria, not Balenfia, but it didn’t matter, as a thick fog consumed the sea almost entirely from view, leaving but a sneak peek at its crystal waters only a few paces from the beach, where the fog had already withdrawn), I thought of my great grandaunt Felipa, who had died in her flower garden as the Italian ships had bombarded the coast of Balenfia. I like to imagine her death as a poetic one, a peaceful one, of her tattered corpse lying amongst her flowers, like Rue from the Hunger Games, even though deep down I know it happened more like a typical explosion, leaving nothing but rubble and ashes in its path. I thought of what my life would have been if the war had never occurred. Perhaps I would have been a Spaniard, a Balenfian, a good catholic boy turned artist, and after his rise to stardom, perhaps an olive vintner tending to his olive gardens in the countryside. As I looked off into the hazy horizon, I thought of these things, the things that could have been, and I thought of Parviz, in my head, in my fantasies, we picnicked in Elysian fields, in a meadow of lilacs and roses, and that’s where I lived, so vividly I could nearly smell the lilacs. All the while the winds brushed past my face the way a water hose would shower over a strand of grass, stretching my skin like Botox, squeezing it cryonically tight, and in many ways, it was reassuring, it kept me grounded, reminding me of where my reality lay.

Somehow, I knew that no matter how much time passed and no matter where I went, Parviz would haunt me. With time, yes, his memory would fade, but never to disappear, lingering like a scar. Looking back, the entire torrid affair was as pernicious as the affair between Charles Swann and Odette de Crecy, and yet he captured me like an artist’s muse like Margarita was to Rafael or Beatrice to Dante. All the passion, all the friskiness, only to end in parted ways in the second act, like Mia and Sebastian in La La Land. Clenching my jaw and shaking my head, I scoffed at such squandered emotions.

As I walked back to the hotel, I wrote our names in the sand as if to acknowledge the precious beauty I once knew. The Mediterranean’s low tides would never reach it, and I left it for the passers to see and wonder who these two individuals were, or perhaps, more likely, to look and shrug at the meaningless names written in the sand. Soon, the wind would fade its etchings, and soon, children would run over it and destroy our names in the sand, but for the moment, in the early hours of the day, our names remained some of the few to occupy Cala Tarida.

~

There were things I never noticed about my friends, little things, habits and customs, that both Lin and Lilly had, I never noticed until I started sharing a hotel room with them. When I had returned from the beach, Lin and Lilly were awake, though barely. I never knew Lilly as a belcher, but behind closed doors, in private, she burped right and left like a bullfrog with an acid reflex. I tried to be polite, but soon, as she continued to burp, not even trying to hide it, by instinct, I sent her a disapproving scowl at every belch, which she ignored as she got herself ready for the day. And Lin, Lin hadn’t spoken a word since she woke up, even when I said, “Good morning!” She simply grunted in reply like a cavewoman, grunting and shuffling her way toward the Keurig. And in the morning, Lin wore these cat eyeglasses that enhanced her bulging blue eyes cartoonishly, like the eyes of a gecko or a tree frog. I forgot she wore contact lenses. And swiftly, once fueled by hot tea, her grunts turned to purrs, her frown flipped to a smile, the glasses were exchanged for contact lenses, and her bubbly self resurfaced. All the while, I tiptoed and danced about them as I performed my meticulous morning regimen before even, I was ready to be seen out and about.

And so, grumbling, groaning, burping, grunting, our morning routines became meshed and gnarled until, somehow, we emerged presentable and ready for the day. 

“I’ve heard the breakfast at Casa Rossa is delicious!” Lin quivered. 

“Oh… but it’s going to be fucking expensive!” Lilly groaned. 

“I think for time’s sake, the hotel restaurant is our best bet…” I declared, nodding at Lin. “That way we can get on with our day and visit the Castle! God, I’m so excited!” 

“Very well…” Lilly muttered.

“Oh, don’t worry Lilly, I’ll pay for your meal…” I smiled. 

“That’s not necessary!” Lilly protested, putting her hand up in refusal. 

“It’s up to you…” I shrugged, “it’ll help you, but it makes no difference to me.”

And as I opened the door, I could feel Lilly’s beady emerald eyes scowling at my back like a sniper’s glint.  

“Oh my God! They do have a Starbucks here!” Lin exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly like a child. 

I looked to Lilly, shaking my head. And rolling her eyes, Lilly laughed. 

“You know…” said Lilly, “there are lots of good local cafes here…”

Lin shrugged, “I prefer my Starbucks…” 

And before we could say another word, she defiantly sauntered through the Starbucks doors, out of sight, like a crowned crane entering a pasture of tall reeds on the Serengeti plains.

“These stupid Americans and their Starbucks!” I hissed mockingly in my best Spanish accent. 

Lilly laughed. “Honestly, we didn’t come halfway across the world just to go to Starbucks…” she grumbled. 

We sat in a little hidden square at the foot of the town, its fortress walls with the port at our backs, opulently filled with yachts and super-yachts in the turquoise water. The sun was already blazing, jabbing at our backs like hot coals on a rubber tire. Lilly was dressed rather nonchalant, with dreadfully clashing colour tones, a burgundy skirt and a white spaghetti stringed tank top, with her yellow square mini-bag hanging over her shoulder, so loose and obvious, like pickpocket’s wet dream. And even when I warned her about the pickpocketing in Spain, she either didn’t hear me or simply brushed my warnings aside as baseless myth.

“Well, haven’t you heard? Lin is their number one customer… even if she only drinks chai…” I teased. 

But Lilly was too busy admiring the square. And it was a beautiful square, something TripAdvisor would probably label as a hidden gem if it knew about it. We were surrounded by cute local shops bedecked with Classic “S” Mission tiled roofs: an Asian shoe store, an antique shop, a greengrocer, a deli, and a Starbucks, all of which, aside from the Starbucks, had likely been sidelined from the more flashy and Americanized tourist traps that had bought up the real-estate along the ports and beaches, forced to establish themselves in odd nooks and crannies within the city’s lower town. I preferred the local artisans; they were more authentic than the international outlets, even if they were sometimes less polite, yet I’m sure Lin would have disagreed when it came to Starbucks. The fountain had a single spout of water rushing down to its basin, shooting forth from an ancient bronze vase tipped on its side with a towering statue of Dionysus standing above as if to symbolize his gift of wine and merriment to the mortals of Ibiza. His head and shoulders were painted in pigeon shit, and in his clutches, he held his thyrsus staff, which looked like an elegant corn stalk wrapped in ivy, casting a long skinny shadow across the deli’s entrance, and a proud disparaging glance at the fountain below him. Some locals passed by and sipped from the faucets that surrounded the basin, splattering their feet with water as they slurped from the taps like pigs at a trough before continuing on their way with a little comedic squeak in their step from their soaked sandals.

Lin emerged from the café, holding up her chai latte with an ecstatic grin, and on cue, Lilly and I leapt from the fountain, leading the way toward the Castle of Ibiza. As we advanced uphill, the cobblestone streets grew narrow, and the buildings shifted from the typical finca-styled blocks to white cave-like domes, as if we had unknowingly stepped through a portal transporting us from Ibiza to Santorini. 

“I feel like I’m in Greece…” I whispered.

Lilly raised her eyebrows and nodded excitedly. 

Behind us, Lin shuffled along with her chai latte, nearly slipping with every second step in her flip-flops, her floral-patterned caftan blowing in the wind. 

As we walked through the village, I couldn’t help but imagine what the original architecture and the environment had looked like before the Phoenicians, and then with the Phoenicians, and then the Carthaginians, and then the Romans, and then the Arabs. The entire walk felt intimate, perhaps because it was the off-season, but the streets were dead. There were no tourists, only locals doing regular day activities. There was a woman above us as we passed, hanging her clothes on the clothesline from her window, and later, a group of men in an alcove smoking and chatting leisurely, who gave us dirty looks as we strolled on by. From out of nowhere, like a flash of lightning on a sunny day, a football had bounced into the street, rolling towards me like a bowling ball in a bowling lane. Stopping the ball with my foot, I looked down the street to my right to a group of kids, and smiling, I kicked the ball back to them.

“Gracias!” one of the boys called out, and they continued their game.

“I think I made a friend,” I laughed. 

At the gates of the bastion, the bastions of Sant Jaume and Sant Pere, a hulking bulwark of cracked limestone, a salty breeze hung in the air, and seagulls squawked like dying children far off in the sky. Black cannons sat on the lookout, off to the sea, a blue void that sparkled before us, no invaders in sight. The grounds of the fortress were littered with lush palm trees and cacti, resembling more of a garden than a fortress, but of course, it wasn’t a fortress anymore; it was a museum. In the far corner, nearest to the castle, stood a fat thyrsus vase with handles on both sides, a Corinthian period reconstruction, Dionysus with his thyrsus staff leading a troupe of drunken satyrs and men to feast, running along the side of the vase in its typical black-figure design. Randomly, a rooster with a viridescent bouquet of sickle feathers strutted proudly through the grass as if he were the general of the mighty fortress. And excitedly, Lin pulled out her phone and shadowed the cockerel, filming him cautiously, just two steps behind like a paparazzo, as if we didn’t have chickens back home.

I walked to the ledge of the fortress and looked down to the bottom, below the bastion’s ledge, where the waves hit violently against the fortress walls and the surrounding jagged rocks like a policeman with a sledgehammer. The wind shot up to my face as they bounced against the walls, so pungently salty, I could almost taste the waves on my tongue. The fortress would have been the perfect location for an evil villain’s lair.

Suddenly, something soft and pointy brushed up against my leg, and I nearly jumped, but then I laughed when I realized it was just a cat. A cute tabby, probably a stray, with a stripped marble coat. He licked his chaps calmly, looking up at me with his hazel eyes curiously and blinking, shutting his eyes slowly, kissing me kindly.

“Hello kitty!” I snickered, caressing his fleecy mane softly. 

And at that, he brushed himself against my leg once more and jumped onto the ledge, walking off toward the castle, his striped tail sticking up in the air like a mast, inches from the jagged rocks below. One fatal move and he was done for, yet without a care, without fear, as if he knew his balance was perfect, like an acrobat on a trapeze, he knew he wouldn’t slip.

“You’re just making friends right and left, aren’t you!” Lilly laughed. 

I shrugged, “What can I say? I’m just approachable like that…”

“Can you believe this place?” she exclaimed.

“It’s gorgeous!” I nodded, “and very grand… I can see why the Phoenicians picked this spot…”

“You know, I always wondered why we don’t have places like this in Canada…”

I shrugged, “they have lots of castles, and fortresses, and cathedrals, but we have lots of mountains and lakes…”

“Yeah… our shit is lame!” Lilly cackled. 

“Well, I think it has to do with the fact that Europe has a lot more culture, they’ve had centuries of history to refine their culture… our country is still very young…”

“You think so?” she frowned, cocking her head to the side.

“I do…”

“I think it’s because of war,” said Lilly. 

“War? What? Do explain Lilly!” I laughed. 

“Well, war brings people together, war creates history and stories that unite people, it makes it so that cities have to be rebuilt, - and science and technology advances like crazy in times of war… it only makes sense to me that a place that’s had much war also has become more cultivated and refined in its identity and industry…” “And let’s be honest, Canada has a culture too… and its history is just as old… the indigenous people have lived in North America for centuries…”

“I suppose… but the indigenous tribes fought amongst each other for centuries too… they had lots of wars… And unfortunately, we only have pieces of their culture left because of colonization, the few pieces that survived oppression… I honestly don’t see how destruction equates to civilization…”

“Still…” Lilly puffed. 

I shrugged, “well, whatever the correct theory… it is the way it is…” 

We sat on a cobblestoned patio overlooking the docked yachts and the joggers who ran along the boardwalk, shaded by ruby-coloured umbrellas, although we were sweating even beneath the shade. We never made it inside the Castle of Ibiza; we made it all the way to the top, but the castle was being renovated as if it were an ordinary penthouse in downtown Toronto. So, we had made it to the top, only to find a clowder of stray cats and a bolted citadel. Disappointed, exhausted, and starving, we had made our way back down to the port, nearly sprinting to the nearest restaurant.

 “Our waiter is kind of hot…” Lilly smirked. 

“Really?” I frowned, scanning the balding, potbellied man from head to toe.

“Silas! He’s such a daddy!”

“Your daddy, not mine,” I sneered. 

Lilly laughed, “you have the strangest taste in men!” 

“He’s all yours Lilly… Lin, what do you think?”

“Oh… what do you mean?” she quivered.

“The waiter… hot or not?”

Lin took a glance at the waiter, who was jotting down an order from an elderly couple across the patio, and pursed her lips. 

“I think he’s cute…” she smiled.

“Ha!” exclaimed Lilly.

“Beauty is in the eye of beholder…” I shrugged.

“Okay there…” Lilly scoffed, rolling her eyes. 

 “Now, on another note,” I smiled, “I’m starving! And look at all these paellas!” I said, scanning the menu, drooling over the options: Valencian paella, black paella, vegetarian paella, paella with squid and shrimp, paella with zucchini, paella with rabbit, paella galore. 

Lilly frowned, “Buns, Spanish ham, meat, I can’t eat any of this! I can’t eat gluten, or dairy, or fucking meat!”

“There’s a vegetarian paella,” I smiled politely. 

“Great… one option to choose from…” she grumbled.

I let out a heavy chuckle and shook my head, “you’re so silly! Welcome to Spain, my dear! The country’s cuisine is known for their cheeses, their meats, and breads… girl, you’re going to die!” 

“It’s so not vegan-friendly!” she hissed, “they’re all barbarians in Spain!”

“Oh Lilly… don’t be so defensive! I’m not a vegan and neither is Lin… does that make us barbarians?” I queried, raising an eyebrow.

For a moment, Lilly sat in silence, tongue-tied, opening and closing her mouth like a sliding door in a grocery store, not knowing how to respond. And Lin, Lin, the people-pleaser, always uncomfortable with confrontation, taking a deep inhale and pursing her lips, darted her bulging blue eyes nervously between Lilly and I.

“It’s not eating meat that offends me,” Lilly said finally, “it’s the menus for being uninclusive…” 

“Yeah, that’s fair…” Lin nodded, “they could be a bit more accommodating…”

“Right!” Exclaimed Lilly, “like they’re losing people’s business because of it!”

“Just don’t be a Karen and speak to the manager…” I grumbled.

Ignoring me, Lilly took a chug of water from her Hydro Flask, admiring the yachts as they floated by. 

On the seaside, across the street, a woman walking her collie passed by, and we watched in horror as the dog crouched down, taking a massive dump on the road. And as if it were nothing, the lady and her collie walked on their way, leaving the mound of shit behind, sitting fresh in front of the turquoise sea, in front of our ocean view. 

“That is just disgusting…” Lilly grumbled.

I nodded, “they never pick up from their dogs in Europe… especially in France… it’s worse in France… every morning, the cities literally have people pressure wash the streets for dog shit because it’s such a problem…”  

“Oh god… why am I moving to Paris!” Lilly groaned.

“You should always do your homework before moving to a new country, my dear,” I chuckled chidingly, “and if you think the food isn’t vegan-friendly here, just wait until you go to France!”

“Guess I’ll just be eating fruits and veggies for the next four months…” Lilly sighed.

“Sounds healthy!” Lin remarked. 

“Speaking of healthy, you know what I find crazy? All these runners on the boardwalk, they’re everywhere! They come out of nowhere! Like I’m slightly concerned! Talk about health fanatics!”

“Well, there are worse habits…,” said Lin. 

“Thinking more about it now, I have to say…” I purred, “back to our conversation earlier, Lilly, – Europe may have more culture and more history, but one good thing about our side of the pond is that it’s cleaner. Like honestly, at least people in Canada pick up after their dogs! And the amount of nature we have in Canada, God we’re spoiled! The British moors got nothing on us! It’s no wonder our continent is called the New World!” 

Lin and Lilly burst into laughter, shaking and bouncing in their seats like two kangaroos in quicksand as if I had made the most ridiculous joke. And then, before I could say another word, our waiter (finally) rounded the corner, smiling, bearing his yellow crooked teeth, and the laughter subsided.

“Sorry for the wait… how is everyone doing today?” he asked.

“Good,” Lin smiled.

“And tired,” Lilly interjected, “we were just at the top of the castle this afternoon…”

“Oh? I think it is closed right now…” he frowned.

“Yeah… yeah it is…” I uttered.  

“The view is still very very nice,” he smiled.

We all nodded awkwardly. 

“Where are you all from?” he asked.

“Canada.”

“Oh, Canada! I love Canada! I lived in Toronto for three years!”

“Oh really!” Lilly giggled. 

“Yeah, yeah! From twenty thirteen to… twenty fifteen!”

“So cool! What a small world!” Lin giggled.

“Yes, I loved Canada so much! The only thing I didn’t like was the snow! I will go back one day, but never when there’s snow!”

“I hear ya!” I laughed, “we don’t like the snow either!” 

“Now, what can I get you for lunch?” he smiled.

“I’ll take the vegetarian paella,” Lilly beamed. 

“Can I have the Valencian paella?” Lin queried timidly.

“I’ll just be having the seafood paella, please and thank you,” I grinned, “and actually, could we get a pitcher of sangria too?”

“Yes, very good!” he smiled, scribbling our orders frantically into his little notepad, “that should be ready in twenty, twenty-five minutes.”

“Thank you!” Lin beamed. 

Out of earshot, I bent forward into the table, and frowned, “I don’t know what took him so long… I feel like we were waiting here for like twenty minutes already…”

“Well, we’ve ordered now, and that’s all that matters,” said Lin. 

“True, true…” “Say, Lilly?” I purred, “we should FaceTime your boyfriend later today, when we get back to the hotel! I haven’t seen him in ages!”

Lilly’s eyes widened as if she had just been struck by lightning, and she winced, “Silas… I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while now… Andrew and I broke up…”

“WHAT?” I shrieked, causing the other people in the restaurant to turn their heads our way, but only so interested, before turning back to their private conversations. I was making a scene, and I winced when I realized it.

Lowering my voice, I hissed, “First, you drop the bomb that you’re running off to Paris, and now this? I can’t believe it!” 

“I wanted to tell you… I did… I just didn’t find a good time to tell you…” she grimaced, “and, it wasn’t too long ago… maybe three weeks now…”

I shook my head, “Wow Lilly… Well… how are you holding up?” I purred. 

Lilly shrugged, “I’m good I guess… things were pretty rocky for a while… so it wasn’t really a shock when it ended, and it was mutual…which always makes things less toxic…”

“Can I ask why you two broke up?”

“Well… I’ve mentioned it before… but I’ve been wanting to dabble in lesbianism for a while… and I just had to break up with him… you know?”

I gulped slowly, and nodded.

“And you think you made the right choice?” I asked. 

“Can we talk about this later!” Lilly snapped. 

“Yes, of course,” I nodded, “Sorry…”

“All good.” 

I couldn’t quite place it. She looked like a celebrity, but I just couldn’t put my finger on who it was. She looked like Dakota Johnson but scrawny, so perhaps she looked like Kristen Stewart, although her side profile, the way her blonde hair dangled over her cheek, and her smile sometimes reminded me of Blake Lively. In any case, she could have been a siren to Lilly. Lilly, barely even present at the table, ogling over the frippet like a magpie over a shiny piece of ribbon.

“You know the best thing to do, is talk to them, instead of leering at them like a creep,” I snorted.

Lilly giggled, “Sorry! She’s just gorgeous!”

I smiled, “she is very pretty…”

“What were you saying?” Lilly frowned. 

“I was wondering who got to keep the puppy…” I sighed.  

“Oh… I will, of course! He’s my baby!”

“And the house? How is that getting sorted out?”

“Andrew is staying with his parents in Toronto for the next month, and then it’ll just be his name on the lease once I leave for Paris.”

“I see…”

“And while I’m in Paris, my mom’s going to take care of the puppy…” she said, sipping her spritz. 

“Well… bless her heart…” 

“You know, sometimes I regret that I broke up with him… like deep down I know I want to be with a man and raise a family with him… but I can’t help but wonder if that’s what I want because that’s how I’ve been hardwired…”

I nodded, “Well, I guess you’ll find out soon enough now… now that you’re… free!” 

Looking over my shoulder, Lilly produced an excited grin, raising her eyebrows excitedly as she pointed with her chin behind me. I spun around, only to find Lin standing before us, and I nearly jumped through the roof. She was dressed in all pink, in a hot pink summer dress, fuchsia stilettos, and a baby pink shawl wrapped about her neck. I don’t know whether she looked more like Monica Vitti, Peppa Pig, or Tanya McQuoid. I was speechless. She looked impeccable. Even her lipstick was pink.

“Linnet!” I exclaimed swooningly, getting up from my chair, embracing her with a kiss-kiss, “Very pinkalicious! Chic as always!”

“Thanks,” she blushed, “you don’t think it’s too much?”

“Not at all! Girl, you’re stunning! Wear your outfit with pride!” I twinkled. 

“Oh… thanks,” she smiled shyly.

As we sat ourselves down, Lilly smiled politely, “Hi Lin. Nice of you to join us…”

Lin grimaced, “Sorry, I was taking a while to get ready, wasn’t I?”

“Well clearly it was worth the extra time!” I said.

Lilly laughed, but it was an empty laugh. Her eyes had already wandered back to the siren. This time, they made eye contact, and the siren smiled, bearing her pearly white fangs. Lilly smiled back, giving her a little wave, and the siren winked in return, causing her to snicker quietly to herself. 

“You know, I’ve heard that the seafood here is to die for!” I mused, scanning the menu, rather famished. 

“I hate seafood!” Lilly grumbled, “just the smell puts me off!”

“I’ve got to agree with Lilly on this one,” said Lin. 

“Well…” I grumbled petulantly, “more for me!” 

“You can have it all Silas!” Lilly sniggered. 

“Ooo! And they have oysters!” I exclaimed. “You know, they say oysters are the secret to a happy love life and a strong relationship…” I mused, “which makes sense, since my exe was allergic to seafood…”

Lin and Lilly exchanged a nervous glance and laughed.

“You know, sometimes I wish I could be on vacation forever!” Said Lin.

“You and me both!” I snickered. 

Then, suddenly, from across the room, the siren rose from her chair and sauntered to our table like a doe in a forest clearing. Lilly froze in her chair like a statue. 

“Excuse me?” She purred. 

Lilly looked as though she were about to faint. Her knuckles grew white as she clasped her glass tightly, and her face flushed scarlet crimson as she smiled sultrily. 

“Hi! Hi! Hello!” Lilly beamed. 

“There is a club on the other side of island, and I was wondering if you would like to join me with my friends after dinner?”

Her accent was thick and definitely romantic, yet her English was perfect. 

“Well…” Lilly pursed her lips, glancing at me nervously.

I nodded encouragingly. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’d love to!” she beamed.

“Excellent! I’m Marcia, by the way!”

“Lilly!”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you! Okay, after dinner then!” she grinned, waving at us, as she scampered back to her table. 

Lilly produced a devilish grin, glancing between Lin and I like a bridesmaid at a strip show or a HomeSense shopper with her newest Rae Dunn purchase. 

“And this is why,” said Lilly, “we should eat at places outside of the hotel.” 

“Touché,” I grunted, taking a sip of my Cabernet. 

“I have to say, that was pretty smooth of her…” Lin giggled.

“Right?” Lilly squealed. 

“So clean! And she’s so beautiful!”

“So beautiful!” Lilly moaned. 

“You have to go out with her! You have to!”

“I mean, it’s Ibiza!” Lilly laughed.  

“Exactly!”

Clearing my throat, I let out a chortling grunt, “you know, it’s a good thing you’re single now,” I winked. 

Lilly nodded gawkishly, “one hundred percent! I feel liberated! There’s nothing like being single! Even in an open relationship, I feel like it can just get messy… you know?”

“Yes… well, just ask the gays!” I sneered, “scandal and deceit are not new notions to us…the gays are duplicitous like that…”. 

“So, what? You’re homophobic now?” Lilly frowned, half joking, half not joking. 

I sighed, “No… of course not… not entirely… don’t tell me you haven’t gone through a bad breakup as a woman where you’ve decided you hate all men…” 

Lilly narrowed her emerald eyes on me, “sure, but what is it with your vendetta with the gays lately?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because they think they live above the rules! Like honestly, none of them are approachable… In my experience, they’re either sluts, players, or workaholics! B-but, they’re still human! And, and, they flaunt their open relationships as if it’s all safe, easy breezy, but they mine as well say they like to fuck around and they have one person they like to hang onto! Th-they play with emotions, and someone’s bound to get hurt!”

“But,” I smiled, taking in a deep breath, bringing the glass to my lips, “I digress.” 

“Well then,” said Lilly, raising her eyebrows unimpressed, “seems a little harsh…”. 

“With Lilly out for the night with Sappho, we’ll probably have the hotel room to ourselves!” I chuckled. 

Lin smiled kindly. “Don’t you think she up and went with her a bit too fast? Like that’s really trusting of her, don’t you think?” 

I shrugged, “it’s no mystery really. Lonely people find lonely people, even if they shouldn’t.” 

“Well, I guess you have been saying she’s been wanting to hook up with a woman for a while now…”

I nodded. 

“Honestly, I am happy for her!” Lin beamed.

“Me too,” I smiled. 

Clinking my rings against the table, I looked about the restaurant, searching for our waiter. It was time to pay the bill. The restaurant was only a few blocks away from Casa Rossa: it was a pale building with a red tiled roof and a red tiled veranda on the outside, but the inside made up for its simplicity, with vintage rhombus tiled floors, velvet laced chairs in emerald green and mustard yellow, and on the peach-coloured walls hung, frame after frame, matadors and bullfights photographed through the years. Here, it really felt like we were vacationing in Spain. To the left, I watched as a couple made out in one of the far booths, smooching so passionately I could almost hear their lips smacking. Their eyes were closed, but they were smiling, and I smiled faintly. My heart fluttered warmly. They were both extremely handsome, dressed in stripes and shorts, one slightly hefty, the other fit, and when they opened their eyes, it said it all; they truly did adore each other. And while I smiled faintly to myself, a sanguine smile, it was no longer this pure, warm fuzzy feeling to witness; it was bittersweet, and my heart sank slightly. I was happy for them, the happy couple; it wasn’t easy to find love, but they were also a reminder of what I lacked.

And this time, it was Lin who caught me ogling just as I had caught Lilly ogling. I don’t know how long Lin had noticed my wandering stare, but, when I turned to face her, a plaintive grimace had etched itself across her face. 

“Silas, I know you don’t like to talk about it… but how are you really doing?” Lin queried. 

“I’m fine,” I said, wrinkling my nose.

I paused, “…actually, I’m not…” I said, “I-I feel like I’m drowning… but somehow I’m still breathing… and I feel like I’m screaming but no one even notices… and yet, I feel as though, at this point, I should be fine…”

Lin pursed her lips, “but you’re not,” she said softly. 

“No, Lin, no I’m not…” I said shaking my head, “b-but this is also the wine talking…” 

“Have you heard from him since?”

“No, not really. I’m afraid it wasn’t too hard for him to move on… and I doubt he’d ever give me the satisfaction of hearing from him without reaching out first…” I grumbled. 

“I’m sorry… that’s rough…” Lin frowned, “in my opinion… the telling-tale is that they’re not worth your time if they’ve already chose to leave…”

“See, that’s what I keep telling myself… but my heart won’t listen…”

“The heart can be short-sighted…”

“Who said that?”

“Uh, I did,” Lin giggled.

“Excuse me? Sir? Madam?” our waiter interrupted nervously, “dessert?” he inquired. 

“Uh, the bill please!” I beamed. 

“Ah… okay!” 

The sky was clear, the air was cool, and the night was bright. I stood at the railing of the hotel terrace, looking out to the stars. In the distance, I could hear the waves lap softly against the beach just around the corner, just out of sight. The moon’s incandescence, an eerie xanthous glow like an anemic version of the sun or an esca, crept through the hotel windows, illuminating the rooms in a simulated attempt to recreate the day. I hit the vape, triggering a flickering blue light, expunging an angelic vapour up to the stars. Even though I knew the moon was just a large rock of space dust, something was enchanting about it; perhaps it came from the old tales of werewolves, yet in any case, I found its phosphorescent presence a marvel, as if it were celestial as if a deity dwelt beneath its surface. And like the prophet Zoroaster, I stared off at the moon, observing the heavens from the terrace, searching for inspiration, searching for revelation. I wondered if Parviz were staring up at the moon too. I could already see it, his soft violet eyes glinting in the moonlight somewhere far away, yet I quickly brushed the thought aside. I lived in false realities and delusional reveries; I was no better than Bruno Mars. It was time to break the cycle. It was time to say goodbye. Even Zoroaster, after all, for all his sagacity and knowledge, never knew what lay on the other side of the moon. 

I took in a deep sigh, “goodbye, Parviz,” I whispered.

And with one last puff, I exhaled a large vapour up into the air, taken up in the wind toward the sea, toward Algiers. And I watched as his spirit swirled and spun like the smoke from a birthday cake, marking the end of another year, exiting from my presence as an actor would exit a scene. 

We had flocked to the restaurant in Casa Rossa for brunch nearly all at the same time, which wasn’t planned, but it was a happy coincidence. I simply had awoken and drifted like a cloud from my sheets to the bathroom, down the elevator and into the restaurant. Each in our floral patterns, we added vibrant colour to the restaurant’s whitewashed frescos. Everyone else at the hotel was dressed so drearily as if they all had flown in to attend a funeral or as if the dress code was sombre and we hadn’t been informed.

I beamed at Lin and Lilly as I took my seat.

“Good morning, ladies!”

“Good morning!” 

“I don’t know about either of you, but I think I’ve had one of the best sleeps of my life!” Lin exclaimed. 

“That’s good! I just slept okay,” I shrugged, “and Lilly…” I simpered, “how was your night?”

Lilly grimaced, “it was… different…” 

“Different how?” I queried, leaning towards her in my chair. 

“I don’t want to talk about it really,” she shook her head, “it was… it was just not what I expected… I think it’s not really my kind of thing…”

“Prefer dick, do you?” I laughed. 

“Silas!” Lin hissed. 

“What?” I exclaimed, “I get it, dicks are yummier to me too! But I have to say Lilly… it’s a little anticlimactic…”

“What is?” Lilly asked, narrowing her beady eyes on me. 

“Well, you’ve been wanting to get with a woman for how long now? All that talk, just to find out you don’t actually like it in practice… I don’t know, seems anticlimactic to me.”

Biting her bottom lip, Lilly didn’t say a word, and simply shrugged her shoulders.

“And poor Andrew…” I continued, “poor Andrew… dumped for no reason…”

“Oh, shut up!” She snapped.

Silence fell through the restaurant, I bit my tongue, and Lin pursed her lips. I had gone too far. And at that, like a sudden drop in temperature, the mood had shifted chillingly. 

Our waiter walked up to us with a smile, and we smiled back politely as he placed our mimosas down at the table. 

“Thank you!” Lin smiled. 

“You’re very welcome!” he bowed, “Have you decided on what you would like to eat? He asked. 

“Well, actually, I did have a question for you,” said Lilly, waving the waiter to her side, “Are your pancakes gluten-free?”

“Lilly!” I scoffed, “come now!”

“What?” she scowled icily. 

“Leave the poor waiter alone. You’re being annoying!” I giggled. 

“Oh, fuck you!’ she snarled.

And at that, I swallowed sharply. 

“We’ll just need a minute,” said Lin politely to the waiter, and he scampered off. 

“Lilly…” I implored, lowering my voice, “I didn’t mean- “

“-No. Just shut up! Friends don’t call friends annoying!” she whimpered. 

“Oh my god!” I scoffed, rolling my eyes, “you’re acting as if I called you something far worse!”

“See!” she hissed, “you don’t even feel bad about it!” 

The other guests turned their heads our way from their tables, excited by all the commotion. 

“Well,” I stammered, folding my arms, “you were kind of being annoying… b-but l-let’s not make a scene…”

“That’s what you’re worried about? All you care about are appearances! For fuck’s sake!”

“Oh, whatever…” I grumbled. 

“Honestly, if you weren’t a fag, then you’d be like all the other incels out there!”  

Lin’s eyes widened, and she pursed her lips, contorting her face like a mummified corpse; fidgeting in her seat uncomfortably, the ebony creaked awkwardly beneath her, yet, to my chagrin, she said nothing and did nothing.

“Excuse me?” I growled, seething, gritting my teeth, heat flushing to my face, “Uh, fuck you! All I did was call you annoying!”

“Do you know what’s it like to be friends with you?” she hissed, “A gay man who doesn’t even approve of my bisexuality, honestly it’s so ironic, you’re so invalidating, so cruel!” 

“YOU’RE NOT BISEXUAL!” I screamed, “you’re straight! And it doesn’t take a genius to see that!” 

“I rest my case!” she hissed. 

Lin tried to clasp one of the mimosas, shaking as she did so, only to spill it over the edge of the table.

“Opps! I’m so sorry!” Lin quivered. 

“Leave it Lin!” Lilly snapped.

And with a little squeak, Lin shriveled back into her chair. 

“Honestly Lilly, I think you’re terrible human being,” I said calmly, though my hands were shaking, “Only someone heartless would break a man’s heart the way you did with Andrew’s…”

“What would you know about love?” she cackled. 

I shrugged, “What would you?”

“Silas! You can’t just call the six months fling you had love! Honestly, you say I’m annoying, but really, you’re the one who’s been so annoying and pathetic lately! Like honestly! You’re not some dumb housewife who got replaced by her cheating husband, no, you’re just a stupid man who fell for a slut! So don’t you play victim with me!” 

Hot tears trickled down my cheeks, “I think, you should go…” I said softly. 

Lilly flashed her emerald eyes on me once more and nodded. 

“Gladly,” she mumbled, heaving herself from the chair with a wrenching screech against the floor as she pushed the chair away. 

“And Lilly?”

“What?” she growled. 

“I hope… I hope I never see you again…”

And at that, she spun on her heels and pranced toward the lobby. The stork was gone. After she had disappeared, I clasped my heart in pain, Lin remained frozen in place – petrified, and I wept in silence in the hotel restaurant with the guests’ disapproving stares slicing into me like daggers on the Ides of March. I meant it; I really did hope I would never see her again. 

I should have seen it coming. Fire and ice. She was the Ares ready to wage a fiery war at any moment, and I was the cold-hearted Virgo ready to put up his defences, his icy walls – we were bound to clash. Fire melts ice, and ice distinguishes fire. And like two tigers in a forest pocket, powerful, imposing, solitary creatures, our claws were out, and our teeth bared, ready to kill; it was only a matter of time before one of us chased the other out of our territory.

According to Lin, who went to check in on her after she had stormed off, Lilly had booked the next flight back home. She had scrambled about the hotel room, snatching her things, shoving them into her luggage, muttering to herself the same thing over and over in a sort of trance like a Delphic oracle: “Snakes! Snakes! Fucking snakes! Snakes!”

And like a white stork fleeing Europe in the winter, Lilly was gone. The rift was permanent. Irreparable.  

Now that the coast was clear, with Lilly gone, we were seated at the hotel veranda, looking off toward nothing but the ugly parking lot, sitting in silence with the gulls squawking above us. 

“Another friend gone,” I muttered, shaking my head, “maybe I’m the problem…”

“No,” said Lin, “What Lilly said to you wasn’t right. It was fucked up!”

I raised my eyebrows and nodded, unconvinced, taking a hit from my vape. 

“But, I’m sorry about Lilly… I know you two were good friends…”

“We were good friends,” I chuckled, “such a strange thing to say…” “it seems I’m losing friends right and left these days…” 

Lin pursed her lips, unable to meet my gaze. “You know…” she mused, “I’m sure Lilly didn’t really mean what she said…” 

“She said what she said.” 

“Okay…” Lin quivered. 

“As far as I’m concerned, everyone’s gotten what they wanted…” I smiled soberly, “their prayers have been answered. Parviz is free to fuck around again and Lilly’s no longer trapped in a relationship.”  

“But what about you?” Lin queried. 

“What about me? What about me?” I shrugged, looking off to the blue sky pensively. “You know Lin, I used to want to fall in love and hide away with some man in a cunning cottage in the countryside… but now…” I shook my head, “I think I want to live like Enya, hiding away in some castle with a bunch of cats, living a life of bliss as a hermit or a recluse in my very own sepulchral…” I snickered to myself, “that’s the new dream, the heartbroken dream, the realist’s dream…”  

Lin frowned, “Sounds lonely…” 

“I’m used to it,” I shrugged, “Being alone…”

“I feel like an old man sometimes. I don’t fit in with the hurly-burly busyness of this world. In fact, I think I was meant to be a man of leisure who collected rare trinkets.”

Lin smiled, “well, as your fellow dilettante, I can see where you’re coming from.” 

I let out a soft chuckle, and grinned. 

There was silence for a moment as the salty breeze blew past our faces, and I closed my eyes elatedly as the taste of the sea entered my sinuses.

“There is something I’ve been wanting to tell you…” Lin quivered. 

“Oh?” I uttered, opening my eyes to face her. 

“I’ve wanted to t-tell you for a little while now… b-but… I just couldn’t bring myself t-to tell you…” she grimaced, eyes still closed, as the wind whipped by her, blowing her golden locks like a gas flare in an oil field. 

“Lin…” I said softly, scooching my chair closer to her, “tell me.”

“Last week, I got accepted to King’s College for my master’s program… I’ll be attending in the fall…” she said, nearly blurting the words out. 

“Arts administration?”

Lin nodded worriedly. 

“Lin… I… this is wonderful news!”

“Really?” she frowned. 

“Why, of course! Ottawa isn’t the place for a gallerist, I was only hoping one of us would get out sooner or later!”

“Aha! Thanks!” she beamed, brushing her hair from covering her face, “but, you’re not mad?”

“I’m a little sad that you’re leaving, yes… but I’m more excited for you! I’m not selfish like that Lin. If it wasn’t going to be you, it would have been me first.”

“Thanks, Silas! You are so sweet!” she blushed. 

“I’ll come visit you too!” I smiled, “perhaps we could even go visit Cotswolds together!”

“I would love that!” she beamed.  

Turning my head, I held her soft blue gaze, locking eyes with my fellow arts patron, my fellow Cosimo de’ Medici, and a solemn expression began to form itself across my face. The air had changed slightly. We were two dilettantes staring at each other, not knowing what to do, not knowing what the future had in store. 

“So, where do we go from here?” I asked. 

“I don’t know,” Lin shrugged, shaking her head, “I don’t know.”

Jack Cortez is a queer Spanish Canadian writer, history buff, and father of the dearest little kitten. He has graduated with a Bachelors of Arts degree in history and psychology from the University of Ottawa in 2024. He currently lives in the Ottawa Valley, just a heartbeat away from the Canadian capital city. He has recently published a poem in the Waymark Literary Magazine.