‘Redacted Pages from Melinda Gates’ “Moment of Lift”’
Ayesha Rizwan is a dentist, a writer and part-time photographer. She often takes photos of landscapes while commuting to work or while working on the outreach community programs.
Redacted Pages from Melinda Gates’ “Moment of Lift”
So how do we create a workplace culture that expands opportunities for women, promote diversity, and
doesn’t tolerate sexual harassment? There is no single answer, but I do believe its crucial to gather friends and colleagues and create a community with a new culture-
One that respects the larger goals of the existing culture but honors different ways of getting there
Unfortunately, the effort to create a culture that advances the interests of women faces a challenging
barrier: Research
suggests that women may have more self-doubt than men, that women often underestimate their abilities while many men overestimate theirs.
Journalists Kay and Claire Shipman wrote a book about this called The Confidence Code. Kay explained in an interview, “Women often find action harder than men because we are more risk-averse, because the fear of failure is enormous for us. It seems to be bigger than it is for men.” In one example, they point to a review of personnel records at
Hewlett Packard, which showed that women were applying for promotions only when they thought they met 100 percent of the job requirements, while men were applying when they thought they met 60 percent of them.
seeks to marginalize women. These efforts are often indirect; they can be subtle and
insidious- not attacking women directly but attacking the qualities and characteristics of women who are
most likely to challenge men.
or altruism, they faced a “backlash effect”- social and professional sanctions for failing to conform to gender norms.” It’s fear of this backlash, according to another study, that keeps women from asserting themselves.
Women may be less assertive from a lack of confidence or out of calculation, but male-dominated cultures remain a key underlying cause for both. There is social approval for women who don’t ask for much, who show self-doubt, who don’t seek power, who won’t
These gender expectations have been significant for me and for many women I know because they foster qualities that lead to perfectionism- the effort to compensate for feelings of inferiority by being flawless. I should know; perfectionism has always been a weakness of mine. Brown, who is a genius in stating big truths with few words, , judgement, and blame.”
overprepare, then another voice tells me I’m being lazy. Boom.
ultimately, for me perfectionism means hiding who I am It’s dressing myself up so the people I want to impress don’t come away thinking I’m not as smart or interesting as they thought. It comes from a desperate need to not disappoint others. So I overprepare. And one of the curious things
I’ve discovered is that when I’m overprepared I don’t listen as well; I go ahead and say whatever I’ve prepared, whether it responds to the moment or not. I I’m not my authentic self
I remembers an event at the foundation a few years ago where I got called out on my
Desmond-Hellmann- our super-inventive foundation CEO who’s a scientist, a medical pot by arranging an uncomfortable exercise for foundation leaders that would strengthen the bond between leadership and staff. I agreed to go first.
I sat down in a chair in front of a video camera (placed there so everyone in the foundation could later watch!) and was given a stack of cards facedown, which I was to turn, partly because it was bold, and partly because I was delighted that someone thought I had it together. I said, through my laughter, “If you know how much I am not perfect. I am so messy and sloppy in so many places in my life. But I try to clean myself up and bring my best self to work so I can help others bring their best selves to work. I guess
That’s what I said in the moment. When I reflected later, I realized that maybe my best self is not
my polished self. Maybe my best self is when I’m open enough to say more about my doubts or anxieties, admit my mistakes,
confess when I’m feeling down. Then people can feel more comfortable with their own mess, and that’s an easier culture to live in. That was certainly the employee’s point. I need to keep working with Sue and others to create a culture at the foundation where we can be ourselves and find our voices. And when I say “we”, I’m not being rhetorical. I’m including myself If I haven’t yet found my voice. I need to do more to become a role model for others in the way Patty was a role model for me, and Sue is today. I want to create a workplace where everyone can bring their most human, most authentic selves- where we all expect and respect each other’s quirks and flaws, and all the energy wasted in the pursuit of “perfection” is saved and channeled into the creativity we need for the work. This is a culture where we release
to bring about a revolution of the heart”. The lesson I’ve learned from women in social movements all over the world is that to bring a revolution of the heart,
you have to let your heart break.
Stephanie Segarra graduated from Fairfield University in 2014 with a BA in English with a concentration of English with all the intention of making a career out of writing. Instead, she is currently a Director of Marketing at a small consulting company. Stephanie currently resides in Peekskill, NY with her husband, two daughters, and furry son. Though her poems have yet to be published, you can listen to her lifestyle podcast, which she co-hosts with her husband, called "Sipping with the Segarras".
